Things They'll Never Say
by Willow21
Summary: Josh and Donna think about their relationship, or the lack of it. Post Holy Night.
1. Things He'll Never Say

**Title: Things They'll Never Say  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Josh and Donna think about each other and Christmas.  
**Episode:** Post season4, Holy Night  
**Characters:** Josh and Donna POV  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** They all belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, John Wells and many others who aren't me.

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**Part I - Things He'll Never Say**

I meant what I said to Leo, it is fine, it is the way it should be, or at least it's the way it has to be. I was just thrown off balance for a second, when he told me he'd got her a lift with a news crew. She'll have a great time in the mountains though, what a place to spend to Christmas. A swanky hotel in the snow, perfect.

It's not like I needed her here. Leo stayed to help me and we sorted out the church roof. Well, we arranged for someone to talk to someone else, who in turn will talk to someone else about a temporary repair. So you see, I didn't need Donna. Yeah right, of course I didn't!

So it's Christmas morning and here I am, sat in my apartment wondering what to do today. I'm not a big Christmas fan, haven't really celebrated it since I was a kid, so being on my own over the holiday shouldn't matter to me. Normally we're all in town for the holidays and we usually spend Christmas day at one of our apartments, eating too much and getting drunk, while watching old movies on the TV. Not this year though. This year Sam's in California, CJ's gone to her brother's, Toby's with his father and Donna's with Jack.  
The last two are partly my doing so I shouldn't complain and I'm not, well not about Toby anyway. He actually asked his father to stay for Christmas, my good deed for the season, and I don't think Toby wants to kill me now, cause me pain maybe. And Donna's with Jack in the mountains in the snow.

When I told Jack that she liked him, he asked the same thing Amy asked me, he was more subtle, but the meaning was the same. They wanted to know whether anything was going on between me and Donna. Amy had 'heard things', she was pretty jealous of Donna right through our relationship, even though I kept telling her she had no reason. Jack thought I'd talked about Donna too much, and I know he's right. My mom thinks that too.

Donna's with Jack. Why the hell did I agree to tell him she liked him? Why didn't I just tell her that we're a little old for playing 'my friend likes your friend'? But she looked so pleading and I just wanted to help her, I wanted to make her smile.

She does seem happy with him and I want Donna to be happy. I'd just prefer it if she was happy with me instead of sailor boy. So why did I fix her up with him? I keep thinking about what Joey said when Donna wanted me to ask Joey out - misdirection, was that it? I don't think it was, I just wanted her to be happy, and to stop following me around nagging me to go and talk to Jack for her.

Misdirection? Yeah, yeah that may have had something to do with it. Do you know what I enjoyed, the only thing I enjoyed by the way, about my recovery after the shooting? Donna was at my apartment everyday for the first few weeks. She even stayed over on my bad nights, after my mom had gone home. I enjoy her company. I love being with her. When I'm feeling down, she brings me back up. When I don't feel well, when I'm tired, when my back hurts or my arm or leg - all of which happens more often than I admit - she's knows, and it makes me feel better, knowing that she cares.

I know I should tell her how I feel. I know I should tell her that I love her. But I can't. For a start she'd probably run a mile. Why would she want to date someone like me, when she could have any man she chose. Why would she choose someone with scars and nightmares and PTSD. So I can't tell her how I feel, because then I'd loose her friendship and that's something I don't want. But yes, I probably should tell her before I go insane watching her with another man.

"Josh, are you there?"

Shit, was that the answer phone? I didn't even hear the phone ring. I rouse myself to walk across the apartment and answer the phone. "Hey, CJ."

"Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, you too. Having a good time?" I ask, trying to drag myself back to the present.

"No, not really. I'm sat at home on my own. You?"

Why she's at home alone? I thought... "I thought you were going to your brother's?"

"Have you looked out the window?" she laughs at me. "I'm going to go for New Year, if the weather lets up. So what have you been doing?"

Brooding, maybe I shouldn't tell her that though. "Well, I called my mom and Sam called me. Yeah, that's about it. So what you doing today then?" I ask.

"I'm eating whatever food I can find in my kitchen and getting drunk while watching old movies. You want to come over?"

"I'd love to," I tell her honestly. I can't imagine a better way to spend today, well almost. "You want me bring anything?"

"Food, alcohol," she laughs.

"I'll be there in half an hour," I smile.

Yeah, maybe I should tell Donna how feel, but some time in the future, not just yet.

_Part 2, Things She'll Never Say ........._


	2. Things She'll Never Say

**Title: Things They'll Never Say  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Donna can't help but wonder what Josh is doing. (Companion piece for Things He'll Never Say)  
**Episode:** Post season 4, Holy Night.  
**Characters:** Donna POV  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** They all belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, John Wells and many others who aren't me.

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**Part II - Things She'll Never Say**

This really is a beautiful place, and with the snow outside it's like a Christmas card. This is the perfect way to spend Christmas Day. It must have cost Jack a fortune, but he won't let me pay anything towards it. And the earrings he's bought me, very expensive and very beautiful, if a little predictable. Certainly not the sort of gift Josh would buy me. You know, as ungrateful as it sounds, I much prefer the slightly odd gifts that Josh and I exchange.

It was nice of Leo to arrange for me to get a lift up here, otherwise I'd probably have been stuck in Washington for the Holidays. That's what normally happens. All of us end up staying in town and we just get drunk at one of our apartments. I wonder what they're all doing today? I really shouldn't be thinking about that. I'm here in the mountains with a good looking, attentive man, I should be thinking of him. But I can't help wondering what my friends are doing.

Sam's in California of course, campaigning. He'll be spending Christmas with his family for a change. CJ's gone to her brother's for a couple of days, so I guess that leaves Toby and Josh. Except Toby's a little angry with Josh. Not that I blame Toby for that, but I do understand why Josh made the arrangements for Toby's father to visit. Maybe they'll spend Christmas together, that'd be nice, if Toby and Julie could reconcile over Christmas. Josh'd be happy about that. Jack's still in the shower, so I've got time to call Josh.

"Hello," he answers.

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I can hear him smiling. "How are the mountains?"

"Snowy," I tell him. "Thanks for the present, it was lovely."

"I thought you'd appreciate it. I've hung yours on the wall, I looks good."

"You meeting Toby today?" I ask. I've no need to be quiet because I can still hear the water running next door. How can anyone spend so long in the shower?

"No, his father's stayed over, couldn't get a flight because of the weather...... "

"What are you doing then?" I interrupt. He can't spend Christmas day alone. I should be there with him. Whoa, where did that thought come from?

"I'm going to CJ's. She decided not to risk driving in this snow."

"Good," I smile. The water's finally stopped, so I should end the call now. "You have a good time, but don't drink too much."

"Yes, Donnatella," he replies and I can imagine him grinning, the full dimpled grin.

"I should go. I'm back on Friday, I'll see you then."

"See you. Enjoy yourself," he tells me, before hanging up.

I put the phone down and sit looking out of the window. This really is a lovely hotel and Jack's a nice man, even if he does spend more time than me getting ready in the morning, surely he can't do that on a submarine? He's got the day planned out. Breakfast in bed, which was nice. A walk in the snow before Christmas dinner in the restaurant and then a romantic evening in our room. He's got every detail worked out. Nothing left to chance, nothing spontaneous. All planned with military precision. He's so completely unlike Josh.

In truth, I wish I hadn't caught that helicopter, I wish I was in Washington spending Christmas with Josh, and CJ of course. Here I am in another man's bed and I'm missing Josh. I miss his smile, his voice, his humor. No one makes me feel like Josh does. He makes me feel alive and happy and safe. So why can't I just tell him how I feel? Well for a start, he's my boss. But it's more than that. Why would he want to date me? He doesn't date women like me. He dates women like Mandy and Amy and I hope to God I'm never anything like them. So I can't tell him, because he's my best friend and I love him and I don't want to loose him.

"Donna, Donna.... Hey, you were miles away there. You want to get a shower now, honey?"

"Yeah," I reply. Jack really is a nice guy, and he looks good in a towel, but then so does Josh.

END


End file.
